Fits the Kimmage

Paul Kimmage, author of the Rough Ride, it one of the finest sports writers and journalists. The market is ten a penny with ghost written autobiographies filled with what I believe Paul accurately described as bullshit and lies. He took a cold hard look at his sport and his career. His story was far from a romantic. What he did not know then was we would now view his era as an innocent golden age. In his day they made do with amphetamines. Around the corner was EPO. EPO worked.

Everyone with a passing interest in procycling will be aware of its problems with doping. Kimmage, a writer familiar with the true nature of the sport has been brave. When Armstrong was at his peak he was there  reminding the public and the sport of the darkness behind the curtain. For not going along with the party Kimmage was often vilified. The collapse of Lance Armstrong's defence, and the revelations of convicted dopers has shown that Kimmage was not far off the mark. One would expect that within the sport he would now be viewed with respect if not affection.

Sports governing bodies are thin skinned beasts. The UCI, over a decade failed to get any kind of grip on doping in the sport. From this distance they look like men terrified that the truth would slaughter the golden calf. But egos are  large, and maybe the perks are too big. So rather then acknowledge what they could have done better, and throw their resources into making a better future, they try to shoot the messenger. The link below tells the tale.

http://www.cyclingweekly.co.uk/news/latest/534966/kimmage-uci-just-want-to-shut-me-up.html

As a cyclist and cycling fan I want to express my anger and disappointment. From the action they are trying to take against Paul Kimmage the UCI have shown themselves to be incapable of recognising their own failings. To believe they are capable of putting their house in order is pure fantasy.

Casual Observer

If found James Runcie's intervew with J K Rowling on BBC 2 last night strange viewing. I am sure the BBC was thrilled to have face time with Rowling just before the publication of her "first adult novel" Casual Vacancy.

While Rowling talked a good game around responsibility and hypocracy, she does come across  as rather cold subject. There was a touch of  empathy implying personal pain just below the surface. This was offset/undermind by a steely manner that brought to mind Margaret Thatcher. A tetchiness of somebody who is used to people agreeing with her. This rather chilly tone was enhanced by the grand setting, and Runcie's often unctious questioning.

Rowling is a novelist, and is not claiming to have written Das Kapital. Therefore I did not expect her to get a Paxo style roasting. However much is being made of the gritty nature of the new book, and she is seldom slow to mention her own experience of living on benefits. Therefore when truisms like 'everything is political'  are trotted out I did expect the Runcie to do a bit more than make approving noises.

The most interesting part of the interview came towards the end when reflecting on how the book would be recieved. Early in the interview she had talked of the freedom that the success of Potter had given her. How liberating it had been to write the book that she wanted to write. Thinking about how it would now be recieved was clearly much less liberating. We are all free to write what we want to write in the privacy of our own laptops. It is when it gets published that it gets more complicated.

It is right at the end, that Runcie who had to that point behaved like a Palace correspondant in the presence of the Queen slipped in a little blade. Words to the effect that 'I think you are in for a bumpy ride.' The interview closed to a mirthless laugh and a wan smile.

Who am I to criticise

The Booker Judge Sir Peter Stothard despairs of bloggers reviewing books. Bloggers being unreliable arbiters of quality are damaging literature. We should instead place ourselves in the hands for proper critics such as him. I presume he means himself as he is the editor of the Times Literary Supplement. I have to say that this stance is deluded and arrogant and fundamentally misses the point.
Most readers I would hazard do not find out about new writers by studiously studying reviews in the TLS, and never have. Most of us will hear about new books from friends and family. 'Have you read..' I really can't stand... Or we will happen upon it in a bookshop or at an airport. Or we will hear about it on a TV chat show.
For the more hardcore, we are members of book groups where we actively discuss what we are reading.
All these are probably more significant sources of influence than reviews by proper critics.
Maybe I don't hold literary criticism in high enough regard. Growing up reading the NME I learnt quickly that the views of music journalists were not exactly trust worthy. I have no evidence to suggest that literary critics are any wiser.
The rise of online reviews at Amazon and  bloggers has made the voice of the punter in the street visible to the likes of Sir Peter.  It is something he probably never had to consider before. But rather than a new pollutant in the pure waters of lit crit, it is an enduring feature of the landscape.

Truth and the UCI

I was reading a great review of Tyler Hamilton's autobiography. I have to say that if telling the truth feels as good as Tyler tells us, it is a shame he did not start a bit earlier. However one of the ideas being kicked around the in the article was that cycling needs a truth and reconcilliation commission like that in post aparthied South Africa.

Now whatever professional cyclings issues are, I don't think they are akin to the challenge of unpicking the wrongs of aparthied. However of all the ideas being mooted since Lance retreated to the Alamo this does seem the most workable. Alternative ideas seemed to revolve around deleting the last twenty years from history, or awarding tours to the one as yet unbanned rider in the top twenty.

So basically, come forward tell all and you get absolved seems a sensible way forward. Name the names and clean out the wound. Whether of not the UCI will ever have the guts to wash its dirty laundry thoroughly is another question. It always feels that are more damage limition, than truth and reconcilliaton. They seem happier thinking up new and exciting things to sue Paul Kimmage for. Hey Mr McQuaid shall we try 'being an Irish bloke who tells us things we don't like hearing.' Bingo.

There is also the cheering news that the 2016 UCI world Championship will be hosted by Qatar. It will be great. Just a short journey and we will be  able to stand by the side of the road cheering on the riders, surrounded by thousands of passionate cycling fans, while drinking a cold beer. Oh bugger that's not Qatar, I was confusing it with Belgium.

A world less pants

Things a bit tough at the moment, with my Mum not being well and family and friends putting in a lot of support. But this evening  I was the recipient of a lovely unprovoked act of kindness. My Mum's neighbours, the Aslams spotted my car outside. They know my Mum is not well. About 5 o'clock the daughter came round to tell me that her mum was cooking me some chicken biryani. At 6.30 they both arrived with a huge pan, plus yogurt with instructions on how to reheat if it was too much for one sitting. Absolutely delicious, nourishing body and soul.
One of those experiences when the world seems just a bit less pants.

Karma - its the little things

Sometimes in life one just has to take it on the chin. Sometimes, just sometimes the big sack of fate swings around and clobbers the other guy.
2 nil down at home, Palace were labouring away, and the despondent support could just fume and rant. Cardiff  had nothing to do  but sing and taunt Dougie Freedman while their players ran the clock down. When the ball flew into the midst of their support, of course there was nothing more hilarious for them to do than keep it. For a long minute or so happy people from Wales tossed the ball amongst themselves. Finally just as another ball had been found they returned it, just in time to delay the restart of play.
All the home support could do was make rude gestures and moan.
Half an hour later, by some strange miracle, Palace were not only resurgent but sitting on a 3-2 lead, as the ball arched into the noisy  home support in the Holmesdale. Did they return the ball in a sporting way to allow the game to continue swiftly. Did they f......
The golden rule - he who laughs last.....

Whiter Shade of Pale

Now I am probably not the heaviest consumer of grooming and beauty products. Well apart from the stuff we cyclists use to strip the hair from our legs. But there cannot be many people on the right side of sanity who think that 'Lactacyd White Intimate' is anything but and bizarre waste of money.

What does it do? I makes you genitals whiter. And the purpose being? It apparently matters in Thailand where being dark is associated with working in the fields, which I presume is not seen as a positive. So people don't want to be accused of harbouring a farme'rs vag.  Given that I doubt that people work in the fields in the buff, the darkness or otherwise of ones intimate bits seems rather a strange thing to worry about.

Madam, put the bottle back on the shelf and go and spend the money on something nice that you will enjoy.

There is probably some rather horrible shadism behind this, but I am not qualified to comment.

Beyond Boycie

Confession, my enthusiasm for Only Fools and Horses dimished quickly after the first couple of series, as for me it became more sentimental and less funny. So I was familiar with the character of Boycie, played by the actor John Challis, without him being somebody who as figured large in my life. But recently joined the Croydon Waterstones book group, and through that got invited along to the launch of Boycie and Beyond, the second installment of John's autobiography. It turned out to be lots of fun.

I went with no expectations, actually I expected John to be some braying Sarf London comedian, with a bag of dodgy jokes. In fact he was a charming, thoughtful man, a much gentler personality than his role would suggest. I said as much to the person standing next to me. They were generous enough not to remind me that John Challis is an actor and Only Fools and Horses was not a fly on the wall documentry.

Worlds Apart?

The decision by Charlie Hedbo to publish inflamatory cartoons about Mohammed in the current enviroment was crass. While it could be potrayed as a defence of free speach it is a feeble one. Deborah Orr is right to highlight the vast arrogance being demonstrated.
However her message that the west and the Islamic world should leave one another alone is problematic, if superficially attractive. Firstly these are not two seperate worlds. Where should a British Muslim stand? Taking it further neither the west nor the Islamic world are in themselves homogneous. The Guardian editorial today highlights that two Islamist parties in Egypt have distanced themselves from the recent protests. It is a long time since an artist was charged with blasphamey in Britain but not so in Russia.
The reality is that we are hugely interlinked and diverse. Understanding and responding to why some parts of the Islamic world are ealily gavanised into violent protest by what seem trivial slights would be a sensible start.

Fuzzy thinking

It has been a funny couple of weeks when it comes to the popular perception of the Police, or maybe more accurately the media portrayal of that perception.

The aftermath of the Hillsborough report, and the sacking of the Officer who struck Ian Tomlinson  did not offer an encouraging image of our Police. A force, where individual officers seemed to view rioters and blameless passers bye with the same contempt, and a Force willing to conspire at the highest level to cover up their errors and shift blame.

There is no reason to presume that things have got better as a result of any positive action on the part of the Police. For the family of Ian Tomlinson, as it was for Rodney King, it is the ability for the press and public to record what the Police do that has made them accountable.

But then two PC's are murdered. They were unarmed and going about the business we want them for, tackling crime and making our world feel safe. And  we discover that Andrew Mitchell views the Officers that keep him safe with contempt.

In the summer of 2011 politicians were quick to try to criticise the police response to the riots, and claim responsibility for the resulting strategy.

Maybe within this lies the fundamental problem. Brave under rewarded officers taking big risks for little thanks, against a 'looking after our own' culture that fails to challenge thuggish violence and incompetence. Where do we go? The fresh air of scrutiny that modern communications allows will help. Recently in Bromley a young black man was able to use CCTV footage to rebut a bogus allegation of 'resisting arrest.' It would be much harder for Officers to be instructed to ammend their notes when mobile video and audio recording equipment is in everyones pocket. But this only feels like part of a solution.

Fings don't always get better

Nick Clegg's enthusiastic apology for something around tuition fees did leave me reflecting on my own experience. I never felt that blessed at time but in hindsight...

I left school and got a job as a trainee surveyor with Tarmac. As part of the deal I got day release to go and study at college one day per week. There were no ties in, I did not have to indenture myself to them in return. So in the fullness of time I went an got a better paid job with Roger F Kilby. Kilby too were happy to fund and give day release for me to become qualified.

However I fancied giving the student life a whirl so went and did a degree. With Kilby I got a well paid summer job and my local authority not only paid for my fees but gave me a little grant to live on. This was topped up by some nice gifts from my parents.

Within a couple of months of graduating I had a well paid job, and had paid off my modest college debt. Those debts were not for books and fees but due to my fondness for music and beer.

This was not in some socialist utopia, this was all happening in Thatcher's and Major's Britain.

In a world where people are stacking shelves for free as work experience, and parents trying to bankroll the whole college process, I have to count myself pretty lucky. If I had know how lucky I was back then I might have appreciated it a bit more.

Lad for the Ladettes

Read that Bradley Wiggins is up for putting his own money in to support a British women's pro cycling team.
Only to be applauded but does just hammer home the stupefying inequality in the sport. Think Andy Murray having to contemplate bankrolling the Women's competition at Wimbledon.
Itv, Sky, UCI, Eurosport - we need a reaction, it's time to smell the coffee.

Gutted for Pooley

Really sorry that Emma Pooley missed out on the podium in the Womens TT worlds. It would have been great for he to close her season on a high. This year she has pulled off some great results with her trade team, but in her national team she  has had to work for others.
This is one of the harsh inequalities on our sport. Women riders have to rely on the Worlds and the Olympics to get any serious attention, while for the men it is the Pro Tour where the big money is.
It is a shame that Pooley is, at a young age and with so much talent is considering retirement. At the same time, she is bright and has choices. It is easy to see how the rewards outside cycling could be attactive.
Until women's pro cycling gets proper TV coverage it is never going to attract the money. This is soomething that really needs to change.

Passing the Test

A couple of weeks back I took time here to have right old grump about time trialling and how it was cheerily letting the cycling boom pass it by. Since then I have been brooding and thinking that if I have not postive suggestion I should belt up. So it got me thinking, what would I change if I could.

 The sport is run by lots of really dedictated people who put a huge amount in. No of this meant as a disrespect to them. That said if anyone mentions residual ill feeling resulting from the conflict between the British League of Racing Cyclists and the National Cycling Union I cannot promise to be polite.

Ok so here goes;

1)      Merge CTT with British Cycling. BC is a well-funded highly successful and growing body supporting the sport. Time trialling loses a great deal and gains little from operating as a separate body.

 

2)      Develop links with Triathlon around our shared discipline. Tri has a younger and move mixed following.

3)      Develop modern customer friendly online entry system that allows entry on line and on the start line.

4)      End the requirement for entrants to be members of cycling clubs. TTing is a simple and accessible entry to the sport. Riders may come to join a club once they get involved. The priority is getting them involved.

5)      Radically change the competition rules around BAR. The desire to record fast times drives organisers and riders to run event of flat featureless courses. The fun and true test of skill offered by many sporting courses is missed. Move to a system of scoring based on placing rather than time.

6)       Introduce age group prizes rather than the rather the impenetrable Vet standards.

7)      Encourage new types of organisations to promote events like Wiggle and Evans are doing for sportive and MTB events.

8)      Use modern technology such a chip timing

9) For a great event an entry fee of over £8 might be great value, you never know. TTing is a sport with people riding £3k bikes moaning about being on a fixed income when it comes to paying for a cup of tea.

 

There you go, got that off my chest.

Welfare Reform

Maybe I should not read too much into coverage in The Guardian but it does look like both the delivery of Welfare Reform and its consequences are moving up the agenda.
I have always assumed that welfare reform is not a big vote winner for the Coalition, at the same time not a big risk. This is not like the Poll Tax where the middle classes were impacted. However, clearly a chaotic implementation would be bad news.
There is much whispering in the sector that the DWP's project is not running to timetable coupled with the story that Cameron would have like to have moved IDS along.
The reports today  that the number of households in B&B is on the increase has to be a cause for alarm from all sides. The cost of providing emergency housing in B&B is huge, and wasteful. The impact on the families who are placed in this housing is horrendous. Is this a blip or the shape of things to come as Councils try to balance off their statutory obligations to the homeless against the changing welfare landscape?

Jon T-Locked in on the Tour of Britain

Thrilled that Jonathan Tiernan-Locke kept it togther to take the Tour of Britain today. First British rider to do so in its relaunched form and against arguably the most prestigious field we have seen for our domestic tour.
The fact that Tiernan-Loche did it riding for Endura Racing, one of the home based squads, when there were several Pro-Tour Teams represented, made it all the sweeter. The British Cycling production line has done so much for our sport in recent years, all the same it is nice to see somebody fighting their way up the old way.
Of couse seeing Cav taking stages in the Rainbow jersey was great, but hey, it is what the guys does. Tiernan-Locke's story is incredible, side lined for years with due to a virus, having to work his way up from the bottom on his return, then this year picking up a whole batch of stage race wins.
The fact that he is a proper climber just adds to the excitement about what he could do next. People seem to be talking about him as another Robert Millar.
We will have to see, but it is great to think about.

Don't do it Ricky

Boxing has always seemed like a sport that one should retire from young. For those with the talent, make the cash, look after it and retire with a nest egg. It is a risky game, where even the top guys can get seriously damaged.
To that end I am sad to read the Ricky Hatton is giving it another go. He will make money, his fame and stature will ensure that. The big purse does not always go the the fight between the best, it goes to the fighters who can attract the biggest crowd. Mike Tyson continued to be great box office long after he had shifted from being a champion to pantomime villain.
Hatton is a better human being than Mike Tyson. After the tales of cocaine addiction and fights with his dad, it is easy to see why he would want to win his self respect back. As a great boxer, it is easy to see why at return to the ring looks like the way to do it. However history tells us that he is unlikely to match past glories, and it could all end as a humiliating car crash, or worse.
Ricky, take a step back.

Face Value

In the waves of apologies that followed the Hillborough report yesterday there is something that bothers me. Yes we had confirmation that the Police told lies to shift the blame onto the fans. Kelvin McKenzie apologised for printing the smears.
However, given that 96 people had died why were the Government and much of the press so willing to accept those lies?
It has been the failure to challenge the lies by those in power that has protracted the process for the victims.
My guess is that the smears chimed with pre existing stereotypes of football supporters and of Liverpudlians. That made the lies an easy sell.

Pie Taster

The Milk Marketing Board cook book did what it said on the tin. If it could work butter, milk or cream into anything it would. I have only ever tried to make a steak pie from first principles once in my life. The evening turned out to be so bad that I never bothered again.

I was living in a horrible flat in Winchester with Lynne. My job had come to an end so I was stuck home alone during that day. I had been given the MMB cook book for Christmas. With nothing better to do I decided to have a crack at making a steak pie. It was not great to be honest. The dish was too big for the amount of filling I had, it only went halfway up. The crust was dense and hard.

We ate at a table in the middle of our room. White walls stained with mould and running with condensation.  Lynne had a go at her bit of pie when she got back from college. She did not seem keen.

I was lying on the bed reading the NME. I remember clearly there was a huge article on the band Therapy? They were in America and we photographed throwing shapes in the sunshine. I seemed a million miles from our damp room.

‘We need to talk; I think we should split up.’

I guessed that this might be coming. She had been quietly laying the ground for some time. I starred at the paper, like a school kid struggling for the answer. She said we were a great team, but did not love me. She had tried to tell me this before, encouraging me to stay in France that summer. But I closed my ears. Now she told me straight, in that shitty flat in Winchester, in January.

There was nowhere to go, no spare room. It was a long night. I have never fancied making a pie again.

Testing Psychopaths

Recently finished reading Jon Ronson’s Psychopath Test. It will be the next book up for discussion at the Croydon Waterstones Book Group. I am looking forward to what others think because I am having a difficult time with it.

Centred on a questionnaire that is used to determine where somebody is a psychopath we follow Jon around various institutions, prisons, conference centres and coffee shops.

I heard Jon Ronson speak at World Book Night, and he is a cracking performer. But the book annoyed me in the end. His approach feels like something from the ten years ago, the ‘Investigative Innocent’. It works like a kind of Anti- John Pilger. Basically the journalist hangs around with people who are famous, self-styled experts, or obviously deluded. It works best if they are all three. Then ask nice reasonable questions in a non-threatening way. This is why I suspect it plays well in Britain, when deployed against brasher, more outspoken cultures.

For me the investigative innocent began with Nick Broomfield in ‘The Leader, His Driver and the Drivers Wife.’ For TV this approach has been dragged to the depths by Louis Theroux. So much so it is hard to imagine there are any weirdo’s left in American prison that have not been visited by some cheery British ingénue.

A similar approach to lighter subject matter is used by Tim Moore in Revolutions, Dave Gorman or Jonathan Randell in Twelve Grand. In these books an average middle aged white male (normally a journalist) decides to follow some whimsical journey. Later there is an effort hammer a level of profundity into the outcome.

It would be unfair to suggest Jon Ronson is a copyist. He has been at this genre for some time. He is one of its best. But the Psychopath Test feels derivative and dare I say, pointless.

 Nick Broomfield’s film was so powerful not just the approach was fresh and new. But also there was a point. At that time Eugene Terre'Blanche was the leader of an organisation that threatened to drag South Africa into a bloody civil war. By the time the like of Louis Theroux got to him he was seen as a buffoon, an irrelevant side show. Nick Broomfield was the one who unmasked him. There was a point. The innocent investigative tactic worked.

The main gripe with the Psychopath Test is that it was hard to see the point. There were some brilliant interviews, some really interesting history. There were some worthwhile thoughts on the dangers of labelling people, the pressure from Big Pharma and media interest in the deluded. There was some limited and inconclusive exploration of whether there are psychopaths in senior corporate roles.  But apart from an engaging whimsical journey was there a point?

Tour of Britain - And the winner is, erm, well hmmm

Maybe with the Tour de France and the Olympics I got too used to things not being a bit rubbish. The Tour of Britain and the ITV 4 coverage has dealt with that.
 Yesterday the covege just burbled away to the likes of Rob Hayles rather than giving any meaningful info on who the teams were and who might win. Then when Cav crashed, they gave up filming the race in preference to watching he Manx Missile stand around looking pissed off. It was almost as an afterthought that they cameras went back to the race.
The commentators then  spent long minutes not sure what to say, unsure even if it was Luke Rowe who had won, and could not produce any general classicification.
Now we all know that Eurosport can do this stuff in their sleep, so it cannot be that hard.
Then today the organisors get in on the act. Getting Luke Rowe onto the podium to hand him the leaders jersey. All well and good. But he was not the leader!! It was Boy Van Poppel. They did not know who the leader was. Sorry, that is poor.
Please we have an opportunity to push onto another level with cycling in the country. Can we get our act together please.

Justice Delayed

There is optimism that a report due next week will reveal an approximation of the truth about Hillsborough. In recent years we have seen similar enquiries and hearings around the murder of Stephen Lawrence, war crimes in Kenya, and Bloody Sunday.
What seems to come back time and time again is that when the Police or Army have something to hide, they can bury it for a long time. In the case of Kenya, a very very long time. This can only happen because of political support at the highest level.
Maybe in 15 years time we will find out what really happened in the aftermath of Jean Charles De Menezez shooting?

Don't Bret, he's not worth it

I suppose it is fitting that the author of American Psycho should get is kicks attacking a corpse. Why else launch an attack on David Foster Wallace four years after his death?

Barbara Ellen's response in today's Observer is great. On Easton Ellis 'I think he should be more concerned that he is becoming a literary version of Elton John....'. Now that is the stuff of nightmares.

Grant Google Schapps Spin

Grant Schapps was one of the more colourful Housing Ministers we have had, and while he did clearly seem to have a particular grudge against the social sector, many of his ideas were challenging and refreshing. He made a change from the usual array of empty suits who have filled that role over the last decade. So I find find the reports of his antics this week a bit disappointing.

Various websites linked in the press  to Grant Schapps have been black listed by Google for breach of their rules. His  efforts to  distance himself from the sharp practise of these companies makes pretty painful reading. The 'they are nothing to do with me since 2008' protestations are pretty weak when his Wife, Mother and Sister are actively involved.

He wrote self help books under the nom de plume, Michael Green. When challenged about profiles  making reference to 'Michael Green' being an MP he maintained that they were  merely out of date. And while his wife an others write under the name still, he does not.

None of this does much to improve the popular image of politicians. If he believes what these websites do are legitimate why not stand by them? If he does not, simply saying 'its not me, its my wife' is pretty damning.

I am sure he will have lots of fun as Party Chairman.

Grumbling away

Lots of stuff bouncing around today about people favourite Olympic memories, from the lighting of the torch through to the medals. In my curmudgeonly way, I just want to name one low point. Something that has niggled away at me since the first weekend of the games. Something that the huge opiate of all the great stuff managed to soothe, nearly.

I have nothing against Kazakhstan but why did Alexander Vinokourov have to win the men's road race? For me he is the most under punished unrepentant doper in cycling. For him to take such a wonderful prize pisses me off. He is a reminder of a generation I hope is history.

My lack of tolerance for the man is partly fuelled by the fact that before he was unmasked for his doping he was one of my favourite riders in the peleton.

Now that I have though myself into a bad mood I may as well carry on.

One of the things that used to be nice about watching cycling and Britain being a bit crap was that it was one sport I could enjoy without the nationalist angst. I could root for riders for no better reason than they were great, or were battling. I could shift allegiance freely without a care in the world. Now we are not shit anymore and I feel myself getting sucked back into the kind of feelings that creep in when watching football, rugby, cricket or even tennis. It means that rather than freely appreciating a brilliant attacking Vuelta a result is everything feeling starts to creep over me. Stop it Andrew.

The Harder they come

A few years ago,(I think in the Tour De France but probably wrong) a couple of riders had a punch up at the end of the stage. They were both skinny climber types and it was clear that neither was a master of the martial arts. The spectacle of two skinny men in Lycra basically slapping hear other with feeling was probably the wimpiest fight ever recorded. Until now, nearly.

So David Cameron mocked Ed Miliband for not being very butch. To be honest, if such things matter at all, it was a little bit pot calling the kettle black. It brought to my mind an image of the pair of them squaring up to each other. Not exactly the Rumble in the Jungle.

Luck of the draw

I just read on Twitter that Eddie Izzard, (apparently but not surprisingly in nail polish) is dishing out medals at the Paralymics tonight.

So you are an elite athlete having won a gold medal. At the moment of your greatest triumph, probably a bit of TV you will want to revisit for posterity up steps the Hooded Claw, in the guise of an unloved politician. The applause for you is shared with boos for them. Next night, some other elite athlete get their award from a much loved popular entertainer. That athlete gets to enjoy their moment of unambiguous rapture.

One of the justifications for using unpopular politicians was that the demand for medal givers was so high they had to shake all the crumbs out of the cookie jar. If it has to be that way maybe the athletes should get a say in who hands them their gong?

On a related theme, I hear Horse and Hound Magazine (a journal that looms large in my life) is in the doodoo for sticking a New Zealand rider at the Burghley Horse Trials on their cover, instead of a victorious British  Paralympian.

Their justification was that on their website they got more hits on the Burghley article. Fair point really though I feel they are missing the zeitgiest. The Paralympians don't need a sympathy vote. H&H is free to put what their readers want on the cover. I am free to think that they are a....

Easy does it- small things that make life better

I applaud EasyJet for launching allocated seating, removing one of those little things that makes flying a drag. I don't expect any romance in flight in the 21st century. However I would rather it was not like getting a 75 bus at Lewisham.
EasyJet sparing everyone the queue and bundle for seats, excellent.

Whoever you vote for.....the government wins, maybe

I am no lover of Michael Gove or George Osborne. In fact Osborne does such a perfect job of looking like a pantomime villain that I am sure he is kept on to make rest of the cabinet look more user friendly.  I have to say a found the booing of him at the Paralympics a bit wearisome, especially as Gordon Brown got a cheer. Like the dull anarchists who threw water over John Prescott way back when.

Come on guys it was not that long ago people were queuing up to check rotten fruit at poor old Gord.

What worries me is that despite the short comings of Osborne and his colleagues there is a empty space where a credible opposition should be. It is like Neil Kinnock had won the 1992 election but with the roles reversed. We have a weak Tory led government, managing problems that go far beyond our own borders, facing a labour party who still have a huge amount of sorting out to do before they are ready.

Don’t buy a flat if you want to live in it

Not sure who this advice is for, or if it is coherent. It is more a call to arms. We need to find a better way to manage leasehold property in England.This goes along with my advice - if you have a choice don't work for a lawyer, unless you are a lawyer.

On Saturday I got into a heated discussion with my friend Simon. He was furious at the service provided by the Housing Association managing his block. They kept making mistakes in his service charge and then there was this issue of the paladin bins. He and his friend Reg had done some research and discovered that they could buy the bins more cheaply than the managing agents were renting them from the council.

My view is that the managing agents were probably managing a huge number of blocks, that the management fee income they were getting was probably not covering their costs. Basically they were probably getting more than they paid for.  I asked, would you pay more, say three times as much if they guaranteed to not make mistakes and take an interested in betters ways of procuring the bin? Well, no not really.

Would they want to enfranchise and manage the building themselves. Well no because it is only me and Reg who cares.

The dovetails with the experience another friend was having with major works. Significant works is required to the balconies in her building. They have enfranchised and therefore the management company is made up of residents. Should be straight forward? Well no, because not all the leaseholders are resident. Some are buy to let landlords who do not want to foot the bill of the work. Others are on fixed income and don’t have the money up front.

The work is now much delayed and more than one shouting match has taken place.

But if they had collected a provision then there would be no problem. Well not that easy. Provisions work best if collected over a long period of time to fund replacements. On a new build block recently I had to manage complainants unhappy about the level of the service charge. In particular the provision for future replacement. Typical of the comments;

'I am not going to be here in 50 years time, I don’t want to pay for the roof replacement.'

Of course go back to what the lease says. This normally only leads to lawyers who spend money that does not exist enforcing terms. Or the Commonhold and Leasehold Reform Act 2002. Again a short trip to legal expense.

Basic problems with how we manage flats

1)      For the individual leaseholder. While have right to be consulted has limited control over the timing of major works. If provision has not been collected they can be many thousands of pounds. However those selling flats try to keep provision low to enable sale, therefore inadequate funds are collected. Also unlikely that block will be managed to reflect their personal desires an prejudices.

2)      For the private managing agent- while one can charge a management for on what is spent this does not generate the kind of surplus that enable to do more than the minimum. Few leaseholders will pay for ‘more’ service.

3)      For the enfranchised management company- Not all residents are on the same page, and getting agreement from your neighbours can be a fraught place.

Net result is everyone is dissatisfied.

So, don’t buy a flat. Or we should find a better was of managing leasehold.

It’s the winning that counts not the taking part

An article in the paper today was discussing the increased risk that paralympians will dope to win.  I have to say some of the techniques discussed were gruesome. If you want to know how breaking your toe or sitting on a spike can improve your performance check out today’s Guardian. If that is what it takes guys then you are welcome to it.

 This followed on from Oscar Pistorius’ noisy complaints about the outcome of the 200m and Jody Cundy turning the air blue in the velodrome.

As we increasingly recognise paralympians as elite athletes I guess we should not be surprised that they start behaving like elite athletes.

Authonomy and The New Merlins Cave

It was 1986 when I played Ron’s New Band Night at the New Merlins Cave. Ron was much less appealing in the flesh than he had been on the phone. He looked like a prototype Gerry Sadowitz, with lank dark hair and a beaky face.

There were 8 bands due to play and we were being stuck on first. Something that pissed us off at the time though as it turned out was a blessing. We were worried that going on at 8 would mean we would be finished before that place filled up. We were not familiar with new band nights.

There is a story about one gig Crass played with the UK Subs back in the 1977. Nobody turned up so Crass watched the Subs and the Subs watched Crass. And basically that is how new band night worked. Apart from a couple of girlfriends there was no audience other than the bands themselves.

A few days ago I loaded some short stories and poems onto Authonomy. It gives readers the chance to check out unpublished writers for free. For the writers it’s a chance to get your name out there. Authonomy has a fair bit of credibility as it is run by Harper Collins and offers the sizable carrot that their editors may review your work.

People must be interested in seeing new talent, or reading exciting new authors right? Well to a point. It feels a lot like new band night, in all the good things and all the bad things.

Most new bands are probably not worth traveling any distance to see.  With unpublished writers there is just so much out there to wade through before one finds gold. In fact that is why we like having somebody sort the wheat from the chaff for us.

At new bands night one applauds generously in the hope and expectation that one will reap what you sow. With Authonomy a similar game emerges. To get the Editors eye you have to be popular. My guess is that 95% of the readers are also writers. So there seems to be some frantic networking. ‘Review my book and I will review yours’. ‘Wow you are a brilliant writer, now please put my book on your bookshelf.’

This is not inherently wrong. As Harper Collins note, if you want to make it networking counts. If one hopes that by simply posting work of heart-breaking genius one will be discovered it is probably a good opportunity to be disabused of that notion.

Sadly, like my band and all the other bands at the New Merlins Cave I suspect most of the writers on Authonomy will not have their dreams fulfilled.  But if you don’t try you will never know.

Radio CRO

Spent an hour with Tim and Tracey at Croydon Radio this morning. The station went live in June and it is great to see what has been achieved. A short walk from Reeves Corner but a millions miles from the negative images of last year.

My interest was via Waterstones. They had come up with the idea of interviewing writers who were coming into do signings. A win win  for all involved.

What struck me was the huge potential Croydon Radio has for anyone who has a passion or an interest they what to share. Basically if there is a programme you want to make there is a decent chance they can help. They are particulary interested in themes that promote what is great in Croydon, but they don't set many limits on what that could be. They cover music, poetry, current affairs, comedy and factual stuff about what is going on.

Despite it all being voluntary they are set up with a really professional approach. I probably spoiled that with my contribution to the show.

My added bonus for going down was a lovely cappuccino in the Cafe at Matthews Yard. A cracking space to read and chill.